The Torch

I haven’t posted in a while, because I’ve spent the last few weeks processing the latest event: I took my own advice and told my mom her grandson is gay (said in big spooky voice).  She is one of the last to know about the ‘coming out’.  Really, she was probably one of the first (which she confirmed); since it was pretty apparent by the time he was 6 or 7.  As I’ve mentioned, my parents are Christian and homosexuality in their Book (also my Book) is a sin.  So, how did the conversation go? 

After a little liquid courage, I called my mom with purpose, spent some time on small talk, and then asked, “Mom, have you ever noticed anything different about your grandson?”  She quickly responded in her cut the bullshit tone with, “Just spit it out.”  You got it.  “Mom, he’s gay.” Silence, then, “Well, we’ve always suspected.  Maybe this is just something he’s exploring.”  I gulped another swig of wine and rolled my eyes, “No mom, not exploring.  He’s 17 and sure he’s gay.”  More silence. 

At first, she attempted the diplomatic approach and regurgitated a practiced speech regarding views found in the Bible.  In an attempt to match the ridiculous, I suggested brides who are discovered to be non-virgins be stoned to death…in front of their father’s house, of course (Deuteronomy 22:13-21).  Duh.  I received another cut the bullshit response (likewise, I thought) and decided to leave the Book alone for now. 

We talked for over 3 hours and I could hear her swallowing tears.  She ended the conversation with, “I will always love my grandson unconditionally and it is not my place to judge.”  Her heart has always been filled with love, so I was not surprised to hear those words.  She said she would research the matter further and in the end, she also told my dad (the ultimate hurdle).  

I spoke with her about a week later and she decided to stick with the neutral ground: no judgment and love unconditionally.  As for dad, he stands with mom and promised to be more sensitive when telling gay jokes.  That’s mighty good of you dad.  I’m glad they plan to love their grandson unconditionally, but am not sure I would dub the conversation a success.  Instead of accepting his homosexuality, they are tolerating it.  Can’t wait for the next family get together. 

Bottom line.  I remember riding in the back seat of my grandfather’s Camry as he drove to the local drugstore.  He began throwing around racial slurs and my 7 years of wisdom told me I should correct him.  I tried to explain we are all the same, all from the same God and all good.  He dodged my tutorial and swiftly moved onto the stupidity of female drivers.  I believe his words were, "They should be at home!  Having babies!"  Um hello?  Future female driver here in the backseat!  This might be where I learned to roll my eyes.  Inherently, I knew nothing I said would change his mind and settled for this:  I was in the present and working for the future and my grandfather was committed to guarding the past.  We must think about multiple scenarios of right versus wrong and accept there are multiple best ways; not just one.  Hopefully, my parents avoid running with my grandfather's torch and open their hearts to compassion and equality for all.  I expect this is something they will try to tuck neatly in a corner; little do they know the arena's shape is a circle.