Born This Way

How and when did I know my son was gay?  Hard to pinpoint.  Just last night, he told me his earliest memory is his birth.  His birth?  How is that possible?  Apparently, the emotional scarring from this memory, he argues, made an unforgettable imprint in his mind and is the reason he is gay.  He also assured me with pride that my failed attempts to breast feed were not my fault.  A small complication:all girl parts are just gross to him.  Had I known, I would have advised him to keep his eyes closed.  Why don't they go over these things in, What to Expect When You're Expecting?  He doesn't look malnourished, so I think we did alright.  More later on 'Born This Way'. 

Really Elmhurst?

I just noticed this Yahoo article regarding colleges asking applicants if they are LGBT.  The notion is absolutely absurd!  Once again, sexuality is private and I'm not sure how it is relevant to the admissions process.  Clearly their intentions are good, but offer resources for LGBT students and allow them to choose to participate.  This 'optional' question does not belong.  

More Sandwich Talk

I left home (more like house) and dropped out of high school when I was 16 and had my son when I was 17.  I kept my pregnancy a secret from my parents until I was around 5 months pregnant.  An anonymous ‘friend’ tipped them off and they popped over for a surprise visit on an early Sunday morning; making their entrance before I had time to throw on the standard hide my belly layers of baggy clothing.  They took me out so we could talk, which mostly consisted of, “What were you thinking!?!?” and my mom crying a lot.  We stopped off at a clothing store and my mom purchased a few maternity items for me.  After leaving the store, while riding in the backseat of their car my dad looked in the rear view mirror, caught my eyes and told me I had made, “…the biggest mistake of my life.”  That moment exploded inside of me and instinctually I felt defensive.  My circumstances were far from ideal, but no child is a mistake. I was relieved when they dropped me off at my dive apartment and I returned my focus to the thing that mattered most at the time: praying to God the child got my nose instead of his dad’s.  Ok, really, I prayed for the basics: health and means to provide for him.  Not once did sexuality cross my mind.  I’m not sure many mothers include ‘please give me a heterosexual baby' on their priority list.  There’s a reason for that: it’s not important.         

I’m spending some time talking about my own upbringing, because it contributed to my belief systems.  How I raise my son will cycle into how he raises his own children and so forth.  I suppose it’s a matter of sandwich making, once again.  Some use, add or take away ingredients based on their own preferences and though it’s still a sandwich, the outcome can be either fabulous or horrendous.  I cannot stand thoughtless sandwiches.  Sandwich making 101: Do not place tomato on the lettuce.  This creates a disastrous banana peel moment where the entire sandwich slips apart due to poor ingredient stacking.  Parenting  101: Do not stack unconditional love with conditions.  Please reference tomato and lettuce stacking for the outcome.  I suspected my son could be gay from a fairly early age, because of this I always emphasized the meaning of unconditional love and reassured him nothing could make that waiver.  I was preparing him for coming out.  Disclaimer- I have a feeling I’m making this sound very easy.  It’s not.  I relied heavily on my primal instinct to nurture and threw a ton of private temper tantrums.     

A Little Background

What I know: I am a parent of a gay teen.  My son is my joy and a gift from God; I will do everything to protect him.  He will tell you I am over protective and he is probably right.  Many times, I’ve envisioned sneaking a super spy gps tracking and audio recording device on the kid (maybe in his wallet?), but he’d probably counter act my brilliance with his own and arm himself with a gps tracking device detector disarming unit.  So, I’m forced to do things the old fashioned way and count on good parenting.  Is there such a thing? 

What I don’t know: All the rest.  Everything I talk about will be from personal experiences and I can’t claim our experiences in handling sexuality are the one best way.      

About me:  I am a heterosexual female from the Midwest (USA) and was brought up Catholic.  Very Catholic.  Fortunately, my parents raised me with the understanding that all people are created equal.  They were of course telling me there is no difference between black and white folks.  This is the only experience they had with civil rights.  The LGBT agenda did not exist (in their minds).  They had already surpassed their parent’s notions of equality, so their settlement on equal rights for black people was their badge of new age thinking.  They were headed in the right direction, but seemed to miss the message of their own argument.   My dad is extremely homophobic.  He used to tell antidotes about guys that struck him as queer and wrong while serving in Vietnam.  He would mimic them with exaggerated flamboyant gestures looking for me to agree with the absurdity of homosexuality.  Fortunately, I always referred back to their precedent setting “all are equal” statement, so the whole queer and wrong thing became mute.  Thanks mom and dad!  To date, neither of my parents acknowledges their grandson is gay.  I have to assume they know.  But, my mom, still holding out, talks about the jewelry that will be passed down to her grandson’s wife (partner).  I think we can make that happen.  They are the only people I am apprehensive about discussing this with, but I plan on changing that soon.  Time for me to follow my own advice. 

The Sandwich

Why a sandwich?  Who doesn’t like a good, well thought out sandwich?  Celebrities have sandwiches; their name alone adds to the zeal of experiencing a dazzling taste journey.  Manhattan’s Carnegie Deli offers the Woody Allen: pastrami and corned beef stacked on rye.  Not surprised The Woody is short on toppings, but for that very reason I’m staying away.  Go to Redwood City, CA and stop at the Heimerhaus Deli for a taste of Hugh Hefner (this already sounds somewhat displeasing).  The Hef is white bread and bunny.  Eat up.  Ok, not really, skip the bunny, add turkey, ham, chutney and pepper jack and you have The Hef.  I might go for that one, but what in the world is a LGBT?  In support of the LGBT cause, I decided they too deserve a sandwich and it already has a sort of sandwichy ring to it.  I tried this once about a month ago and am still trying to perfect the combination of ingredients.  We did lettuce, guacamole, bacon and tomato and it was decent, but I’m still looking for that wowza!  combination.  Rainbow colors welcome. 

I just did a quick search and it turns out I’m not the only one making a LGBT sandwich.  Damn!  Why are my inventions always 5 years too late?  Equally shattering, my son told me my rainbow flag image is both common and cliché.  Ouch.  I loathe cliché's, but common is exactly what I'm after. 

Intro

Allow me to introduce myself.  I am a mom, wife and Christian.  Not enough information?  Need more?  My living room is too small to sustain an elephant, so I will just answer the question.  I’m straight!  I know kind of boring, but it is how I was born and you’ll just have to accept it.  My teen son is gay, however, and that’s why I’m here. 

First thing I need to get off my chest: sexuality is personal.  Why must we identify people according to sexual preference?  Nose pickers are afforded this courtesy, though most will lie and say the act is unthinkable.  Look buddy, I’ve got nosepickerdar and it’s goin’ off like crazy.  Use.A.Kleenex.  Blow!  Please don’t use our local library!  No person should be required to give a sexual preference biography.  The notion is just weird, yet society expects this from individuals who could be possible non-heterosexuals.  Identity is a broad spectrum of variables and sexual preference should not be first on the getting to know you list.  Books, music, spirituality, life experiences, core values, nose picking.  The possibilities are endless, but in true make Freud proud fashion, we have this underlying need to know a person’s sexual preferences.  Show some class and leave it be.  In the meantime, I suggest nose pickers come out of the closet, so we can get you the help you need. 

Things that are bothering me right now.  Bullying.   Jamey Rodemeyer, you should still be with us and I am so very sorry society was not here to protect you.  You will not be forgotten and I hope our government reconsiders their anti-bullying strategy.  Religion.  I was raised Catholic and have this pulling desire to become more involved in the church, but refuse to expose my son to an environment that will condemn him.  This morning, a friend posted on Facebook a picture of a Baptist (Life Gate Baptist Church, Pitt County, NC) marquee sign stating, “Homosexuality is a sin”.  1)  Again, why are we discussing sexual preferences on a marquee?  Is it a sin to be on top or should I just stick with missionary?  2)  What happened to God is love?  There’s only One on the judge panel and it’s not you.  I feel like I failed my son in regards to religion, which is heart breaking.  Sure, I’ve taught him all I can about faith and religion, but society won’t allow him to worship without condemnation.  How empty. 

I‘ll leave it at that and return as the mood strikes.  I suppose I’m just wondering around, hands stretched out in front of me, looking for answers.  This I know: I refuse to give up on good.  I refuse to give up on God.  I will never give up on gay (LGBT) equality.