Like Sands in the Hourglass

       

Alright, folks there's been a few complaints about my lack of posting.  Guilty as charged.  The Christmas vortex sucked me in and I lost track of my lgbt quest for understanding.  We've been on the road for the last several days and I've got plenty of material to cover, but right now my stomach is on the brink of bursting from C12H22O11 toxicity.  Nasty, nasty condition.  Damn fruitcake.  Why can't just one Christmas party be a vegan abundance of healthful, guilt free choices?  I'm not vegan, but am thinking a few meat and dairy free weeks sound pretty great.  I just need to make it through the New Year festivities and if the food doesn't kill me, the people certainly will.   

  I attended Christmas party #3 of 12 a few weeks ago; this one was a matter of voluntold attendance as it was for my husband's work.  Joy. To. The. World.  In case you don't know, I'm not a fan of parties.  Mostly, because of the people attending.  I want to be a people person, but after many failed attempts I fear the cause is a lost battle.  My closest friends feel the same and also prefer wall skimming versus mingling.  We have a way of finding one another and on this grand, grand occasion I scanned the room for anti-minglers. I put my toe in the water with a few guests, but quickly learned they were altogether happy to be there, sipping cheap wine and eating lukewarm shrimp.  I had been watching the clock on the mantel, waiting for the mandatory 2 hour attendance mark to pass when I felt a pull on my arm.  Ahhhh!  Finally!  Someone to watch the mantel clock with me!

  The woman pulled me aside with a serious whisper, "I was talking with your husband and you and I have something in common with our sons."  Well, that caught my interest and I suddenly felt ready to mingle.  I looked in her eyes and could see her concern.  She needed to talk and despite the public setting I was ready to listen.  Talking about homosexuality with strangers can feel intimidating, so I gave her a warm smile and waited for her to continue.  She started, "My son is like your son and has been having a hard time in the classroom."  I felt a little confused and apparently it showed.  She lowered her voice even further and continued, "I think our son also has ADD."  Attention Deficit Disorder?  Aw crap, she's talking about my second grade son.

  I was both amused and disappointed.  Attention Deficit Disorder is certainly something I care about, since my youngest struggles with it daily, but my train of thought had already headed in the opposite direction.  The two do have something in common: about 1 in 10 people are gay (some say as many as 1 in 20, but I'm not going to argue the measurability of homosexuality) and about 1 in 10 people have some form of ADD.  These groups of people are also both freethinking human beings with self-evident rights: all men (and women) are created equal.  I guessed my new friend was not going to be in the mood for this direction of conversation and my eyes traveled back to the clock on the mantel.  Score!  We had hit the mandatory 2 hour attendance mark and I thought, "I'm sorry, miss, but our time is up for today."  As if on cue, my husband appeared and we were quick to make our departure.  I exchanged contact information with the woman, should she want to further discuss that thing our sons have in common.  I left feeling a bit like an ass, which wouldn't be a first, but all in all the party was worthwhile.  No one noticed my donkey ears and the mantel clock was right on time.   

    

LGBT Families...

How do you tell your extended family that you have a LGBT child and when?  Time to repeat myself: It’s private!  There is no Bar Mitzvah or Quinceañera style, “I’m gay!” celebration.  We don’t paint rainbows over our doorframe or place announcements in the local newspaper.  In contrast, the child typically steps in fear, wondering how their family might react to their sexuality.   Not the ideal mindset for an innocent youth.  The child’s first and foremost fear is how we as parents might react.  Society has already done a fantastic job of imbedding in their minds that homosexuality is a perversion.  So, their eyes turn to the parent.  After all, we know absolutely everything!  Moms and dads are perfect and hold the key of knowledge to unlock all childhood mysteries.   At least, that’s what I thought as a child.  Spoiler alert: I was wrong.    

The answer is, I don’t know how in the hell to tell family and if there were a “LGBT Families For Dummies”, I would buy and distribute the book.  Here’s the real kicker: I guarantee everyone has a LGBT family member and many quietly acknowledge the fact, but it’s still treated as taboo.   If you can hear me screaming, it’s because I had a close family member make an obnoxious Facebook post regarding gay marriage and it stung.  Now, have I sat down with this family member and discussed my son’s sexuality?  No, though I assume he knows.   I’m sure if I did talk about it with him, he might be more careful with his insensitive words.  But, I don’t want him to make an exception, because of my son; I want him to realize all LGBT people deserve equal rights.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t have that type of mindset and will continue to condemn, because the Bible tells us so (not my belief). 

Words hurt.  How prepared are teens in dealing with hurtful messages?  “Gay marriage is wrong!” or “You will burn in hell for gay acts!”  I mentioned 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer in an earlier entry.  As a gay teen, he had the support of his parents, friends and therapist, but still was the victim of bullying and words, "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"  So he took their advice and killed himself.  Jamey should still be here.  Jamey is one of the reasons I started this blog.

I’ve managed to talk to my parents about my son’s sexuality and now I feel the need to talk to the family member who wrote those hurtful words.  I don’t expect him to change his mindset; I just want him to use more thought when blasting his opinions.  Or maybe less thought.  Or maybe I should hit him with that “For Dummies” book.  I just want to ask him to place more focus on love and acceptance.  He and I need to sit down and share a sandwich.